Yes I must admit... that title is a little over exagerrated. lol. I am on 20. But, I am very excited about what is to come... life can only get better. Thats all I will allow.
12.9.08 - I crossed over into young adulthood... 19 so didnt count for me. I'm happy.
I didnt do much the day of my birthday, unfortunately it fell on final exam week and my friends and I like to make sure our educational lives are always a main priority. I will probably do something with them over the break.
Fortunately the evening of my birthday I was free... free from anymore exams... but most importantly free. They werent but ... I WAS. So I went out... and had a very very good time. AMAZING. I'll never forget it. Thank you.
Whelpppppp Gota Go!!!!!
Yours Truly,
Me
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Is it RUDE to WANT, If you're not in NEED?
This may be one of my most difficult post to write, due to the fact that it's really about me... not what I think or thought or saw or laughed about on somebody else's behalf... just me. This will also be the last post I leave as a teenager... 12.9.08 yeessss...
So I'm scared.
I am scared of what is in store for me... I continuously deal with the same issues over and over again; and have been dealing with them since High School. It is getting old and I am tired of not fixing the issues at hand. Once, I went to a Medical School interest program at Wake Forest University and one of the instructors were giving us tips on how to interview. An example of one of the questions the university asks its applicants was "What is your weakness... and why havent you fixed it yet". What do you mean.. why.... well it's my weakness. It's mine... again... It's mine. Nobody elses... and I've always had it. So that question made me start thinking why can't we fix the things that get to us most... (well I'll continue to speak for myself), why have I not fixed my weakness. Of course with the help of God anything is possible right...
Supposedly my life is already laid out and what God has for me is for me... and only me. Internally I am not competing with anyone to please him... so why do I worry about all of the external things so much. I hate that I do this... I really do. Naturally I am a silly person, so my trying to explain this to even the closest of all of my friends would be pointless. They'd sympathize... but honestly I think they would not take it as seriously as it has come to be.
Last year, my freshman year. also known as my "fresh start". also known as my "make it or break it". also known as my "don't have too much fun year." and according to my parents... known as my "we are so proud of you year".
None of these things came to me. And according to my own evaluation I'm pissed. Of course the saying goes... "we are always hardest on ourselves", but really though... if I didn't see a reason to be hard on myself I would not be. I'm just not happy with the moves, decisions or anything I've done since graduation. I have to let the high school memories go and create Collegiate ones... but due to a few things I am about to get into... I have very few.
I'm sure a lot of people are going to read this and say that they can't believe that I am writing this stuff up here... but it's the end of the semester and I'm over it all. 3 times in.
North Carolina Agricultural and Techincal State University is not a party school.
Who told me that when I was in high school... because no pun intended, but part of me has words for you. Granted I did listen to a man who graduated from here in 1990. I love him... but when he was getting down around here... it was probably poppin' ;). Now, it's poopin. A mess.
There are approximately 52 weekends in a year of the weekends that I am away at school I might go out 4 or 5 of those weekends. I shouldn't have broken it down that way... it looks even worse than I feel :) . Smh.
DRESS CODE
Yes, I bolded dress code. The dress code at this school would be anything underneath the category of fly, retro, classic, clean, fresh, sexy.... yep. That's us. This ELUSTRIOUS university, breeds young adults of such matter. Granted I am not a product of my enviroment... I learned from home. Greensboro would love to get credit, but they never will... and thats a whole nother story. At 7am in the morning as many students are opening up their eyes for class... the central question is not why did I pick this early class ... it's more like "Hmmm I wonder, the red pumps or the fly bronze ones?" Wahhh? why? Just go to class... but no we can't do that... that would make us look like college students. Who would want that. WE got it... So we Floss it. oMg, I'm so mad that Kanye's track "All Falls Down" came out already... he needs to reintroduce it because we still don't get it. By all means... be about something... look nice. But in all humbleness, lets look at our lives, what we have, what we want and be real. Thats all. K.I.S.S.
KALLEGE... the place to be
Mammmmaaaa, I'm in Kallege!!!!! (excitement).
A mess.
What is this place. What am I doing here. So going back up to what I was saying earlier in my note, I had a hard time freshmen year. I quite possibly could have earned every letter on a transcript possible. And too add a little excitement... the list is now extended. They give you "P's" and "W's" now too! YESSSSSS this is what I've always wanted. NO. Let's have a real talk. I sucked last year. No part of what I was doing school wise was okay, to say the least. And I let all of this happen. Staring at a textbook in aw won't get you an A, I promise...
Everybody seemed to be struggling around me as well, but I sooooooon came to find out that their struggles were C's while I on the other hand Fell through the cracks somehow. What was I to do when everybody I knew seemed to be succeeding in College while I was just super thrilled to be in Kallege. Nevertheless, this was far from a joke to me... had me on edge practically every week when I had an exam and every midterm and final point in the semester. I didn't think I was stupid... and by no means do I believe that now. But, I just wish that something would fall and hit me on the head and tell me why my route must always be hard. Yes supposedly I am suppose to become a strong woman from all of the struggle I've been in... but in my opinion it only is making me weaker because of the fact that I have never done well in a class that was difficult for me. That is all I want... I want to feel accomplished ya know. Well actually it doesnt matter if YOU know of not... but I gotta get this. Getting an A in Freshmen oriention meant nothing to me, that was an expectation... but what if I had gotten an A in Chemistry. :) Bliss. So, basically I am feeling like I am doing better than before but still not as good as I want to to do. But is it RUDE to WANT, If your'e not in NEED?
S.O.S
I will bend over backward to help you. Would you bend over backward to help me. I don't believe this is the case. && I think the answer is NO. Ive realized this year, who are my true friends and who arent. Don't ask me for shit anymore. This is to a specific person that really rubbed the the wrong way this semester. I have no desire to discuss this matter with you at all, because I see why they say everything isnt for everybody and if you didnt get... maybe it wasnt meant for you to get. I'm glad you knew how to work the system, you're a very ELITE bitch.
But for those who have been there in my life... you have pull and not only will I bend over backwards for you... I'll make it a flip. I am so proud of several people in my life in advance. My favorites... my hearts... and I am pulling for you. So I know you wonder..., do I wish and cry and punch my pillow and go back and forth (CHANGEing my heart), wondering if I said the right things or even made the right decisions...YES I DO. but I have to believe that I did. I can't want for things that I passed up... that's ridiculous. Possibly HUMAN, but still ridiculous. And one day, when the flowers are coming out and my allergies start ACTIN UP... all of this will be Ol' Skool to me and it'll be a thing of the past. I gotta grow up on my own. I'll be 20 on tuesday, but what do I have to show... I have determination and that's about it. I need to put in work and everything that is for me will be for me.
Soooo to conclude all of this .... should I be allowed to WANT for things... I think so. So I will continue to want until I get it... so what if I spoil myself. It's all about ME anyways. :) Jus messin'. But I feel so much better now. This was a long note :/
WHEEELLLPPP I GOTTA GO!!!
yours truly,
ME.
So I'm scared.
I am scared of what is in store for me... I continuously deal with the same issues over and over again; and have been dealing with them since High School. It is getting old and I am tired of not fixing the issues at hand. Once, I went to a Medical School interest program at Wake Forest University and one of the instructors were giving us tips on how to interview. An example of one of the questions the university asks its applicants was "What is your weakness... and why havent you fixed it yet". What do you mean.. why.... well it's my weakness. It's mine... again... It's mine. Nobody elses... and I've always had it. So that question made me start thinking why can't we fix the things that get to us most... (well I'll continue to speak for myself), why have I not fixed my weakness. Of course with the help of God anything is possible right...
Supposedly my life is already laid out and what God has for me is for me... and only me. Internally I am not competing with anyone to please him... so why do I worry about all of the external things so much. I hate that I do this... I really do. Naturally I am a silly person, so my trying to explain this to even the closest of all of my friends would be pointless. They'd sympathize... but honestly I think they would not take it as seriously as it has come to be.
Last year, my freshman year. also known as my "fresh start". also known as my "make it or break it". also known as my "don't have too much fun year." and according to my parents... known as my "we are so proud of you year".
None of these things came to me. And according to my own evaluation I'm pissed. Of course the saying goes... "we are always hardest on ourselves", but really though... if I didn't see a reason to be hard on myself I would not be. I'm just not happy with the moves, decisions or anything I've done since graduation. I have to let the high school memories go and create Collegiate ones... but due to a few things I am about to get into... I have very few.
I'm sure a lot of people are going to read this and say that they can't believe that I am writing this stuff up here... but it's the end of the semester and I'm over it all. 3 times in.
North Carolina Agricultural and Techincal State University is not a party school.
Who told me that when I was in high school... because no pun intended, but part of me has words for you. Granted I did listen to a man who graduated from here in 1990. I love him... but when he was getting down around here... it was probably poppin' ;). Now, it's poopin. A mess.
There are approximately 52 weekends in a year of the weekends that I am away at school I might go out 4 or 5 of those weekends. I shouldn't have broken it down that way... it looks even worse than I feel :) . Smh.
DRESS CODE
Yes, I bolded dress code. The dress code at this school would be anything underneath the category of fly, retro, classic, clean, fresh, sexy.... yep. That's us. This ELUSTRIOUS university, breeds young adults of such matter. Granted I am not a product of my enviroment... I learned from home. Greensboro would love to get credit, but they never will... and thats a whole nother story. At 7am in the morning as many students are opening up their eyes for class... the central question is not why did I pick this early class ... it's more like "Hmmm I wonder, the red pumps or the fly bronze ones?" Wahhh? why? Just go to class... but no we can't do that... that would make us look like college students. Who would want that. WE got it... So we Floss it. oMg, I'm so mad that Kanye's track "All Falls Down" came out already... he needs to reintroduce it because we still don't get it. By all means... be about something... look nice. But in all humbleness, lets look at our lives, what we have, what we want and be real. Thats all. K.I.S.S.
KALLEGE... the place to be
Mammmmaaaa, I'm in Kallege!!!!! (excitement).
A mess.
What is this place. What am I doing here. So going back up to what I was saying earlier in my note, I had a hard time freshmen year. I quite possibly could have earned every letter on a transcript possible. And too add a little excitement... the list is now extended. They give you "P's" and "W's" now too! YESSSSSS this is what I've always wanted. NO. Let's have a real talk. I sucked last year. No part of what I was doing school wise was okay, to say the least. And I let all of this happen. Staring at a textbook in aw won't get you an A, I promise...
Everybody seemed to be struggling around me as well, but I sooooooon came to find out that their struggles were C's while I on the other hand Fell through the cracks somehow. What was I to do when everybody I knew seemed to be succeeding in College while I was just super thrilled to be in Kallege. Nevertheless, this was far from a joke to me... had me on edge practically every week when I had an exam and every midterm and final point in the semester. I didn't think I was stupid... and by no means do I believe that now. But, I just wish that something would fall and hit me on the head and tell me why my route must always be hard. Yes supposedly I am suppose to become a strong woman from all of the struggle I've been in... but in my opinion it only is making me weaker because of the fact that I have never done well in a class that was difficult for me. That is all I want... I want to feel accomplished ya know. Well actually it doesnt matter if YOU know of not... but I gotta get this. Getting an A in Freshmen oriention meant nothing to me, that was an expectation... but what if I had gotten an A in Chemistry. :) Bliss. So, basically I am feeling like I am doing better than before but still not as good as I want to to do. But is it RUDE to WANT, If your'e not in NEED?
S.O.S
I will bend over backward to help you. Would you bend over backward to help me. I don't believe this is the case. && I think the answer is NO. Ive realized this year, who are my true friends and who arent. Don't ask me for shit anymore. This is to a specific person that really rubbed the the wrong way this semester. I have no desire to discuss this matter with you at all, because I see why they say everything isnt for everybody and if you didnt get... maybe it wasnt meant for you to get. I'm glad you knew how to work the system, you're a very ELITE bitch.
But for those who have been there in my life... you have pull and not only will I bend over backwards for you... I'll make it a flip. I am so proud of several people in my life in advance. My favorites... my hearts... and I am pulling for you. So I know you wonder..., do I wish and cry and punch my pillow and go back and forth (CHANGEing my heart), wondering if I said the right things or even made the right decisions...YES I DO. but I have to believe that I did. I can't want for things that I passed up... that's ridiculous. Possibly HUMAN, but still ridiculous. And one day, when the flowers are coming out and my allergies start ACTIN UP... all of this will be Ol' Skool to me and it'll be a thing of the past. I gotta grow up on my own. I'll be 20 on tuesday, but what do I have to show... I have determination and that's about it. I need to put in work and everything that is for me will be for me.
Soooo to conclude all of this .... should I be allowed to WANT for things... I think so. So I will continue to want until I get it... so what if I spoil myself. It's all about ME anyways. :) Jus messin'. But I feel so much better now. This was a long note :/
WHEEELLLPPP I GOTTA GO!!!
yours truly,
ME.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Without Reason.
I definately have an ideal guy
I think I do
But, why is it that I keep wanting you
- Recently I have been trying not to be consumed in a guy. In actuality I've come to the conclusion that I don't know if I am ready to be in a relationship realisticly or not. I've never really dated? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Is staying focused on oneself good? or only something you do sometimes? What is the mature decision. And how picky are we really allowed to be. Some would say... VERY... you know whos best for you... and others would say... give a few a chance, you never know what you could get out of the experience. :) True... but a little too risky for me, I sometimes think to myself.
My friends arent dating... so I suppose I'm not the only one feeling as such.
I don't want to marry you.
I just want you to be there on our time.
not yours.
not mine.
but, as with life. it happens.
i will continue to wonder... & on December 9, 2008 (this year) i will hit 20 years of age.... 20 years of my life. whose heart will I have stolen ;). and who will have mine... or will I still stand at the girl with one past love and many friends... sitting around like wtf. lol
INDEPENDENT... do you know what that means... ALOT. but it comes with a very pretty price.
HoLLa! ;)
I think I do
But, why is it that I keep wanting you
- Recently I have been trying not to be consumed in a guy. In actuality I've come to the conclusion that I don't know if I am ready to be in a relationship realisticly or not. I've never really dated? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Is staying focused on oneself good? or only something you do sometimes? What is the mature decision. And how picky are we really allowed to be. Some would say... VERY... you know whos best for you... and others would say... give a few a chance, you never know what you could get out of the experience. :) True... but a little too risky for me, I sometimes think to myself.
My friends arent dating... so I suppose I'm not the only one feeling as such.
I don't want to marry you.
I just want you to be there on our time.
not yours.
not mine.
but, as with life. it happens.
i will continue to wonder... & on December 9, 2008 (this year) i will hit 20 years of age.... 20 years of my life. whose heart will I have stolen ;). and who will have mine... or will I still stand at the girl with one past love and many friends... sitting around like wtf. lol
INDEPENDENT... do you know what that means... ALOT. but it comes with a very pretty price.
HoLLa! ;)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
all.of.me.
"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from god as my successes and my talents, and I lay them both at his feet."
-Mahatma Ghandi
-Mahatma Ghandi
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Ugh
Today is not my day and everything is getting on my last nerve.
If I seem ill... I am.
I think I hate people from up north... or at least the attitudes that they take on. I've tried to be nice, respectful, and display intelligent convos with people I go to school with.
I give up... lame, low class, ignorant, uneducated people - i dont have time for it. How did you get here... A&T must screen their selection of students better... or maybe I should I made better choices as a high school senior. i dont have time for them. at all.
I actually have pity on those who live in situations as such... hahhaha you won't make it. And I thank you for making my back stronger.
F U.
Yours Truly,
ME :/
If I seem ill... I am.
I think I hate people from up north... or at least the attitudes that they take on. I've tried to be nice, respectful, and display intelligent convos with people I go to school with.
I give up... lame, low class, ignorant, uneducated people - i dont have time for it. How did you get here... A&T must screen their selection of students better... or maybe I should I made better choices as a high school senior. i dont have time for them. at all.
I actually have pity on those who live in situations as such... hahhaha you won't make it. And I thank you for making my back stronger.
F U.
Yours Truly,
ME :/
Thursday, October 9, 2008
if i only knew
dear diary,
i feel some type of way about it all.
i am trying to be positive about it all and keep it that way.
my bad days outway my good days... and i think that it is starting to get to me.
so, i must make more changes.
some think that i have made too many of those already, but until i am
finally comfortable... i wont stop. i cant. i dont know how.
yoga sessions begin downtown next week ;) 2wice a week, im in that thang!
J.O.B status... hopefully i tagged this job at Vicky's today!!! i am in dire need of "extra" funds
new associates- im feeling a little bland as far as my social life is going... so i've expanded it. I love the additions. ;)
boo- ive had my head stuck in text books for like 8 weeks straight and in Alabama for 10 weeks prior to that... when things slow down, i might actually find him
school: it happens, and thats all i can say to that.
______________________________________________________
meditation is good for the soul and taking time to and for one's self is one of the healthiest regimines out there for an aching heart. so now, i want nothing but to stand still... and be able to see a panoramic view of my life. i must take charge, now not tommorow.
i love you.
say it aint so.
mixed feelings.
just go go go
one day i will,
take it slow.
i love you.
yours truly,
Vantreese
i feel some type of way about it all.
i am trying to be positive about it all and keep it that way.
my bad days outway my good days... and i think that it is starting to get to me.
so, i must make more changes.
some think that i have made too many of those already, but until i am
finally comfortable... i wont stop. i cant. i dont know how.
yoga sessions begin downtown next week ;) 2wice a week, im in that thang!
J.O.B status... hopefully i tagged this job at Vicky's today!!! i am in dire need of "extra" funds
new associates- im feeling a little bland as far as my social life is going... so i've expanded it. I love the additions. ;)
boo- ive had my head stuck in text books for like 8 weeks straight and in Alabama for 10 weeks prior to that... when things slow down, i might actually find him
school: it happens, and thats all i can say to that.
______________________________________________________
meditation is good for the soul and taking time to and for one's self is one of the healthiest regimines out there for an aching heart. so now, i want nothing but to stand still... and be able to see a panoramic view of my life. i must take charge, now not tommorow.
i love you.
say it aint so.
mixed feelings.
just go go go
one day i will,
take it slow.
i love you.
yours truly,
Vantreese
Monday, October 6, 2008
Life in the MAKING.
wow, it's true... the Lord does work in mysterious ways.
I am honored to be one of his children, and will continue to allow him to order my steps in his name. :)
i have truly grown so much in just one year. this year is going ten times better than last year in ways i thought unimaginable. but, of course there are things that i had last year, that i really do miss this year. school is great. ever since my major change and career plan, i feel better about my life. i know that is pretty harsh, but i had felt like i was pretending to be phenomenal. i always wanted to be in the spotlight... what for? the answer is casper the friendly ghost ;). of course, the things that i participated in werent for me... they were for the greater good of other people, but what is the point of pressing others to follow their dreams if might were lost. my academic world was average and unknowingly laxed. i tried hard, but at the last minute... i asked questions, but too late in the semester... i joined study groups and brought less to the table than i recieved and i smiled in peoples faces when i was truly upset about it all inside.
i still havent seen the party side of a&t... and i believe that has faded. a&t is a university of hope... that teaches our students that anything is possible that you put your mind to. and even though i dont always scream out to the world how much i adore this campus... i do. but until i am fully enthralled in all that i came here to do... i am not carrying out AGGIE PRIDE as one should. so i stand still. very specific people made me into the collegiate person i am today and they know exactly who they are... i will thank them officially one day, but i look up to them.
beginning this year... i put all of the "extra" things to the side for the first time in my life. there are people who will probably vouch for me and say... i really havent been around this year. i must disagree. i've been around... but only in all the right places. vantreese is my main focus this time around. i told an old friend once, i was afraid to try my very hardest and give all i had in school in the past, because i would be disapointed if that were my best and i had failed. what is a person to do then? but, this time, i realized that won't work for a phenomenal woman. i must push forward... and that is was ive intended to do. we are shooting for all A's this semester... and those that follow. not because of anything else but my personal pleasure. i can only imagine, how this will feel and how many others i will be able to tell that "anything really is possible". really...
loving life ;)
yours truly,
ME
ps: moms bday party pics: http://acameralex.com/contact.html
I am honored to be one of his children, and will continue to allow him to order my steps in his name. :)
i have truly grown so much in just one year. this year is going ten times better than last year in ways i thought unimaginable. but, of course there are things that i had last year, that i really do miss this year. school is great. ever since my major change and career plan, i feel better about my life. i know that is pretty harsh, but i had felt like i was pretending to be phenomenal. i always wanted to be in the spotlight... what for? the answer is casper the friendly ghost ;). of course, the things that i participated in werent for me... they were for the greater good of other people, but what is the point of pressing others to follow their dreams if might were lost. my academic world was average and unknowingly laxed. i tried hard, but at the last minute... i asked questions, but too late in the semester... i joined study groups and brought less to the table than i recieved and i smiled in peoples faces when i was truly upset about it all inside.
i still havent seen the party side of a&t... and i believe that has faded. a&t is a university of hope... that teaches our students that anything is possible that you put your mind to. and even though i dont always scream out to the world how much i adore this campus... i do. but until i am fully enthralled in all that i came here to do... i am not carrying out AGGIE PRIDE as one should. so i stand still. very specific people made me into the collegiate person i am today and they know exactly who they are... i will thank them officially one day, but i look up to them.
beginning this year... i put all of the "extra" things to the side for the first time in my life. there are people who will probably vouch for me and say... i really havent been around this year. i must disagree. i've been around... but only in all the right places. vantreese is my main focus this time around. i told an old friend once, i was afraid to try my very hardest and give all i had in school in the past, because i would be disapointed if that were my best and i had failed. what is a person to do then? but, this time, i realized that won't work for a phenomenal woman. i must push forward... and that is was ive intended to do. we are shooting for all A's this semester... and those that follow. not because of anything else but my personal pleasure. i can only imagine, how this will feel and how many others i will be able to tell that "anything really is possible". really...
loving life ;)
yours truly,
ME
ps: moms bday party pics: http://acameralex.com/contact.html
Sunday, September 7, 2008
A Phrase I've Phallin' In "LUST" with ;-)
and I quote...
"Bitch!!!, I don't know Your LIFE!!!!!"
lmao. okay sorry. ignorance gets the best of us.
please excuse me, but when i heard this on tv the other day
i can honestly say I had a goods night rest.
simple me ;-)
"Bitch!!!, I don't know Your LIFE!!!!!"
lmao. okay sorry. ignorance gets the best of us.
please excuse me, but when i heard this on tv the other day
i can honestly say I had a goods night rest.
simple me ;-)
maybe im MISSING something.
I am no longer confused as to what i need to do
I am no longer confused as to what i want to do
I feel like jumping off of a cliff :-( , as in the highest
elevation known to a mountainous range
but, not in order to create a crimescene... but, to just
SIMPLY start over and detatch my mind from all
referential realms and illusions I once knew.
I don't know what I was thinking for the past, almost
twenty years of my life. I must concur that I was indulged
in a "wo"man-made, self driven hurrincan... category four, that
clearly I have been complacent with.
What I thought I knew...
Humans are the most complex creatures on this earth
Humans fall in love
Humans are the only creatures able to create beneficial ideas for their futures
An illusion.
which is wrong.
We are biologically animals such as any creature on this earth
So, does that make love and the thought of love, nothing more than
a "political" plan. I mean, think about it... it creates structure and limits
class confusion. Are we really made for these "relationships" that we continue
to put ourselves in.
I'm beginning to believe that love can't really be, what we've thought it to be...
if it seems to become and yet end so quickly.
It can't.
Past and failed relationships were pointless and a wast of my time. Yes, I learned alot, but when I think about them... I feel like I didn't neccessarily need them. I wanted them. And in the end after they have run their course... I have become no more excited about new and future relationships.
Is monogamy really biologically possible... today?
or has it ever been?
will we ever know? probably not.
It seems to me that very few people are faithful anymore and it seems to me that alot of people are becoming okay with the thought of that, when entering relationships. Compatibility seems irrelevant and in alot of cases, many relationships are based off of simple fascination and sexual attraction. Which is a shame, based off of the "illusions". I understand exitentialism now. Never thought I would. Check it out, if you don't.
And... for the SLIM remaining amount of those who dwell on love over lust and respect the completing of one another when in this LoVe spell idea... they/we may be out of date...luck... and our minds. lol.
But in the meantime...
ROCK ON ;-)
yours truly,
ME
I am no longer confused as to what i want to do
I feel like jumping off of a cliff :-( , as in the highest
elevation known to a mountainous range
but, not in order to create a crimescene... but, to just
SIMPLY start over and detatch my mind from all
referential realms and illusions I once knew.
I don't know what I was thinking for the past, almost
twenty years of my life. I must concur that I was indulged
in a "wo"man-made, self driven hurrincan... category four, that
clearly I have been complacent with.
What I thought I knew...
Humans are the most complex creatures on this earth
Humans fall in love
Humans are the only creatures able to create beneficial ideas for their futures
An illusion.
which is wrong.
We are biologically animals such as any creature on this earth
So, does that make love and the thought of love, nothing more than
a "political" plan. I mean, think about it... it creates structure and limits
class confusion. Are we really made for these "relationships" that we continue
to put ourselves in.
I'm beginning to believe that love can't really be, what we've thought it to be...
if it seems to become and yet end so quickly.
It can't.
Past and failed relationships were pointless and a wast of my time. Yes, I learned alot, but when I think about them... I feel like I didn't neccessarily need them. I wanted them. And in the end after they have run their course... I have become no more excited about new and future relationships.
Is monogamy really biologically possible... today?
or has it ever been?
will we ever know? probably not.
It seems to me that very few people are faithful anymore and it seems to me that alot of people are becoming okay with the thought of that, when entering relationships. Compatibility seems irrelevant and in alot of cases, many relationships are based off of simple fascination and sexual attraction. Which is a shame, based off of the "illusions". I understand exitentialism now. Never thought I would. Check it out, if you don't.
And... for the SLIM remaining amount of those who dwell on love over lust and respect the completing of one another when in this LoVe spell idea... they/we may be out of date...luck... and our minds. lol.
But in the meantime...
ROCK ON ;-)
yours truly,
ME
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
::Guide::Her::
So yea, I've been in LOVE
the fool broke my heart
aka, beat it up and tore it apart
Today, he's in my past
But that ceiling... of glass is still above me
My man trouble has yet to cease.
This is where things get sketchy
I go from he's cute to hey you, to my boo
more than enough times.
Im single why not... righhhht?
We're alone and I become somehome elated,
and persuaded to believe that he's the one for me.
Oh baby, come closer.... mama got you a treat,
somethin' that I'd only let you eat.
I get in his head, just like the boys do you.
Zip up my pants... "aw your so sweet, Thank You".
see these tendencies can get any body
who wouldnt dare classify themselves as the girl...
who never saw class in herself.
Will she ever find love like that llove she first knew
or will she continue to sort through... a few... let a few...
& of course... drop a few.
Lord give her what she needs to meet a good man,
that holds his head high, as well as she.
And Lord, when she meets him, allow her to sustain
so that heir friendship will growand she then will know
and understand what it's like to be in that LOVE spell again
only way better this time... because it was with her friend.
READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!
yours truly...
the fool broke my heart
aka, beat it up and tore it apart
Today, he's in my past
But that ceiling... of glass is still above me
My man trouble has yet to cease.
This is where things get sketchy
I go from he's cute to hey you, to my boo
more than enough times.
Im single why not... righhhht?
We're alone and I become somehome elated,
and persuaded to believe that he's the one for me.
Oh baby, come closer.... mama got you a treat,
somethin' that I'd only let you eat.
I get in his head, just like the boys do you.
Zip up my pants... "aw your so sweet, Thank You".
see these tendencies can get any body
who wouldnt dare classify themselves as the girl...
who never saw class in herself.
Will she ever find love like that llove she first knew
or will she continue to sort through... a few... let a few...
& of course... drop a few.
Lord give her what she needs to meet a good man,
that holds his head high, as well as she.
And Lord, when she meets him, allow her to sustain
so that heir friendship will growand she then will know
and understand what it's like to be in that LOVE spell again
only way better this time... because it was with her friend.
READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!
yours truly...
Monday, July 14, 2008
That Guy... He sho is Somethin Else!
have u ever.
gotten love twisted... gurrrrrlll u know the feelin'
met somebody that totally exuded everything you wish to be.
when he talks... you were amazed...
when he walked... all you could do was gaze. lol... oh geeze.
undeniable feelings of love and regret
she said this dude could be her husband. whoa wow! what if this is true?
this is crazy because, he's neverrrr met you.
the simple thought of his name, sends chills down your spine
she thinks of the day, she might be able to claim him as hers
his trust in God, puts her trust in him and his trust in her
his respect for women
his mind, so constantly driven.
sounds like a winner.
long talks about life and its challenges
he knows all about you -- clearly an advantage.
saving himself for the right woman...
saving herself for the right man...
only led to him asking for her left hand
but wait though...
there was this other guy right...
and this other girl too
he was like a mystery
she didn't know his history
but hey, neither did he
neither does she
so how can she like he.
as weird as it may be.
but in the long run... ya never know
this could be a go
& as she gives it a try...
nobody will ever know.
especially if that girl, messes it up
yea she messes around with a nut.
he's like her weekend night.... n shining armor ;-)
she needs to nip that in the butt.
but she won't, because
he makes her smile
he makes her laugh
he lets her be her
not that nobody else will
being around him is just easier.
thats her boo
but as we all know "wasting time" is the easiest
thing one can do.
leave your heart out of it, is what he said
the advice of a homeboy given while layin in bed.
easy as it may sound... thats just not the way it goes
thats not the way love goes.
friends don't fall for friends.
what would the world come to if this were true
u can't like somebody because of the excitment they bring.
we have a name for that... its called a frickin FLING.
lol... well damn is all she had to say, as she clearly didn't understand
why life must be that way
That girl... everyone is wondering about "her"
I've learned over time... that guys will be guys
and we girls will be girls
You fell in love with him
while he was with her... might still be
He knows it... & always knew it
Will always love you.
& theres not much more to it.
As he matures... he'll come your way
until that day... patience is and has been a virtue.
Live by it.
but don't live by him... to another friend.
Boy oh boy... this ones a keeper.
or so you thought.
He's really a cheater
Good at it too
Good looks, Great swag, && a bangin boyfriend.
sometimes it's not the girls... its the guy
&& if you ever break up... "they" didn't do it to yall.
He did. I'd tell you... but you'd never believe me.
But have fun while you can... because...
he's still kinda "your man".
Keep on keepin on...
sleepin around.
you know best
as you know better.
his partners have become yours as well.
and in the beginning you could'nt tell
but now, gurl... a simple trip to the doctor
might seem like a voodoo spell. so whatcha self
and watch his moves... because every girl he chooses
to do... you've done too.
lies... tricks... and love spells will get the best of us all. but until then... im sure those that do... will keep on keepin on. && at the end of the day... love will be found if not already. We musnt look for it, but realize it when we finally see it. Word to the wise... if u push it... you might as well be ready to push it away as well. Be you. ;-)
Love,
Yours Trully.
gotten love twisted... gurrrrrlll u know the feelin'
met somebody that totally exuded everything you wish to be.
when he talks... you were amazed...
when he walked... all you could do was gaze. lol... oh geeze.
undeniable feelings of love and regret
she said this dude could be her husband. whoa wow! what if this is true?
this is crazy because, he's neverrrr met you.
the simple thought of his name, sends chills down your spine
she thinks of the day, she might be able to claim him as hers
his trust in God, puts her trust in him and his trust in her
his respect for women
his mind, so constantly driven.
sounds like a winner.
long talks about life and its challenges
he knows all about you -- clearly an advantage.
saving himself for the right woman...
saving herself for the right man...
only led to him asking for her left hand
but wait though...
there was this other guy right...
and this other girl too
he was like a mystery
she didn't know his history
but hey, neither did he
neither does she
so how can she like he.
as weird as it may be.
but in the long run... ya never know
this could be a go
& as she gives it a try...
nobody will ever know.
especially if that girl, messes it up
yea she messes around with a nut.
he's like her weekend night.... n shining armor ;-)
she needs to nip that in the butt.
but she won't, because
he makes her smile
he makes her laugh
he lets her be her
not that nobody else will
being around him is just easier.
thats her boo
but as we all know "wasting time" is the easiest
thing one can do.
leave your heart out of it, is what he said
the advice of a homeboy given while layin in bed.
easy as it may sound... thats just not the way it goes
thats not the way love goes.
friends don't fall for friends.
what would the world come to if this were true
u can't like somebody because of the excitment they bring.
we have a name for that... its called a frickin FLING.
lol... well damn is all she had to say, as she clearly didn't understand
why life must be that way
That girl... everyone is wondering about "her"
I've learned over time... that guys will be guys
and we girls will be girls
You fell in love with him
while he was with her... might still be
He knows it... & always knew it
Will always love you.
& theres not much more to it.
As he matures... he'll come your way
until that day... patience is and has been a virtue.
Live by it.
but don't live by him... to another friend.
Boy oh boy... this ones a keeper.
or so you thought.
He's really a cheater
Good at it too
Good looks, Great swag, && a bangin boyfriend.
sometimes it's not the girls... its the guy
&& if you ever break up... "they" didn't do it to yall.
He did. I'd tell you... but you'd never believe me.
But have fun while you can... because...
he's still kinda "your man".
Keep on keepin on...
sleepin around.
you know best
as you know better.
his partners have become yours as well.
and in the beginning you could'nt tell
but now, gurl... a simple trip to the doctor
might seem like a voodoo spell. so whatcha self
and watch his moves... because every girl he chooses
to do... you've done too.
lies... tricks... and love spells will get the best of us all. but until then... im sure those that do... will keep on keepin on. && at the end of the day... love will be found if not already. We musnt look for it, but realize it when we finally see it. Word to the wise... if u push it... you might as well be ready to push it away as well. Be you. ;-)
Love,
Yours Trully.
Monday, June 30, 2008
A SaFe PlaCe
Lets describe a secret...
According to Websters, it is kept from the knowledge of any
but the initiated or privileged
We've all had to keep a secret of our own
And we've all told a secret of someone elses
When this happens... the word spreads for better or for worse
So, tell me why is it that when anyone mentions this secret... a movement is not made?
This secret known as the "other America"
Not your America... but their America
Try working 7am- 7pm as a mom with three kids...
Your husband works from 7pm- 7am, do you remember what he looks like?
Hopelessness feels your home, even when you try to avoid it
Keeping the fact that you are in poverty is hard to keep from your children
especially when you make $5,000.00. The salary of a part-time working teenager.
The teachers at school know about this so called secret, yet continue to send fundraiser packets home in their communities
All the while knowing, that hanging around outside in the "other America" could cost way more than the peanuts they sell.
Of course the instructors don't attempt to write grants or fundraise outside of the county because when the bell rings at 3pm M-F... they are so over those BeBe Kids. No?
Oh but YESSS... they are. I've heard it with my own.
"I get free lunch, but sometimes my mom gives me 50 cents to buy an extra snack afterschool... I've never been able to buy that snack though, before the other boys at school ruff me up for my money" - the words of a 10 yr old boy i met
It was'nt much of a secret when his best friend was shot and killed at the gas station after school ... on accident (we must add!) he was 10 as well.
How dare that little boy go to the corner store after school for a soda pop!
The neighborhood mourns for a week or so... but this shooting stuff isnt rare.
I'm 19 and never saw a gun, until I came here.
So, you're telling me that your uncle touches you funny??? is what I said.
Well yea he does, but he helps pay the light bill so mom doesnt care.
These are the kinds of things I just don't get... I'm seeing this everyday.
I walk through these neighborhoods and the police say... heyyyy lil lady... it'd be your best bet to stay far far away!
But what I'm thinking... are people are living and dying right in these quarters and all the police department does are build the gates around them taller.
No after school programs, no sports teams, no cheer leads just them... trying to make it to 16.
Its far beyond 100 degrees during majority of the summer
&& nothing to do.
So I'll find nothing to do and do it with you.
On the survey I gave you, you said that you first had sex at the age of nine.
I was sure they didnt mean to answer that way... so I reread the question... to find out that his answer was really eight... that just wasnt an option. :-/
But how did you... and who did you... and where were you is my question.
&& if the only adult with you at home all day is your grandmother who sleeps her day away, while the KiDs run outside and play... who knew?
These are the things that I see everyday during my internship... supposedly they call this a job. Yes, it gets tiring... but I almost don't even want to put this on my resume.
Is'nt that just niccccceee... shes helping the poor. NOOOO, this is family... these are real people and real kids who have dreams and aspirations, just to be shot down by the mean old lady they live with. I want to bring them all home... I have not run into one bad kid yet. I get along with them just fine. I've even been a summer acknowledged Godmother lol... and I am loving it. While, I'm here I am attempting to make the best of it... my eyes are wide open and seeing everything around me soooo much differently than I thought I would. Even though I live in NC... oh I'll be back... I can't buy these kids new homes or put food on their tables... but for the first time in a long time... someone gave them a hug, said I love you... kept thier promises... came back to visit even when their neighborhood wasnt the best place to be... and for once, they had someone to tell their horror stories to and their dreams to... and somebody let them know, that it was going to be ok and they were there to stay.
I never realized that just listening to people could lift their spirits up... even when you had no advice to give...
Mobile, Alabama
special shoutouts go to: James, Ronnie, Kayla, Zay, Calvin, Fred my homies!
&& the rest of yallll out there... can't wait to meet ya!
Its all Love.
Love, Simply Me. :-)
According to Websters, it is kept from the knowledge of any
but the initiated or privileged
We've all had to keep a secret of our own
And we've all told a secret of someone elses
When this happens... the word spreads for better or for worse
So, tell me why is it that when anyone mentions this secret... a movement is not made?
This secret known as the "other America"
Not your America... but their America
Try working 7am- 7pm as a mom with three kids...
Your husband works from 7pm- 7am, do you remember what he looks like?
Hopelessness feels your home, even when you try to avoid it
Keeping the fact that you are in poverty is hard to keep from your children
especially when you make $5,000.00. The salary of a part-time working teenager.
The teachers at school know about this so called secret, yet continue to send fundraiser packets home in their communities
All the while knowing, that hanging around outside in the "other America" could cost way more than the peanuts they sell.
Of course the instructors don't attempt to write grants or fundraise outside of the county because when the bell rings at 3pm M-F... they are so over those BeBe Kids. No?
Oh but YESSS... they are. I've heard it with my own.
"I get free lunch, but sometimes my mom gives me 50 cents to buy an extra snack afterschool... I've never been able to buy that snack though, before the other boys at school ruff me up for my money" - the words of a 10 yr old boy i met
It was'nt much of a secret when his best friend was shot and killed at the gas station after school ... on accident (we must add!) he was 10 as well.
How dare that little boy go to the corner store after school for a soda pop!
The neighborhood mourns for a week or so... but this shooting stuff isnt rare.
I'm 19 and never saw a gun, until I came here.
So, you're telling me that your uncle touches you funny??? is what I said.
Well yea he does, but he helps pay the light bill so mom doesnt care.
These are the kinds of things I just don't get... I'm seeing this everyday.
I walk through these neighborhoods and the police say... heyyyy lil lady... it'd be your best bet to stay far far away!
But what I'm thinking... are people are living and dying right in these quarters and all the police department does are build the gates around them taller.
No after school programs, no sports teams, no cheer leads just them... trying to make it to 16.
Its far beyond 100 degrees during majority of the summer
&& nothing to do.
So I'll find nothing to do and do it with you.
On the survey I gave you, you said that you first had sex at the age of nine.
I was sure they didnt mean to answer that way... so I reread the question... to find out that his answer was really eight... that just wasnt an option. :-/
But how did you... and who did you... and where were you is my question.
&& if the only adult with you at home all day is your grandmother who sleeps her day away, while the KiDs run outside and play... who knew?
These are the things that I see everyday during my internship... supposedly they call this a job. Yes, it gets tiring... but I almost don't even want to put this on my resume.
Is'nt that just niccccceee... shes helping the poor. NOOOO, this is family... these are real people and real kids who have dreams and aspirations, just to be shot down by the mean old lady they live with. I want to bring them all home... I have not run into one bad kid yet. I get along with them just fine. I've even been a summer acknowledged Godmother lol... and I am loving it. While, I'm here I am attempting to make the best of it... my eyes are wide open and seeing everything around me soooo much differently than I thought I would. Even though I live in NC... oh I'll be back... I can't buy these kids new homes or put food on their tables... but for the first time in a long time... someone gave them a hug, said I love you... kept thier promises... came back to visit even when their neighborhood wasnt the best place to be... and for once, they had someone to tell their horror stories to and their dreams to... and somebody let them know, that it was going to be ok and they were there to stay.
I never realized that just listening to people could lift their spirits up... even when you had no advice to give...
Mobile, Alabama
special shoutouts go to: James, Ronnie, Kayla, Zay, Calvin, Fred my homies!
&& the rest of yallll out there... can't wait to meet ya!
Its all Love.
Love, Simply Me. :-)
Friday, June 27, 2008
:: A PeRfeCt PlaCe ::
Sooooo,
If your wondering how I've been doing lately... well I am just PeaChy! Quite lovely I must say... but a bit irritated with a few things I've seen in this oh so perfect place. I'll get back to that in a minute though. So as some of you may or may not know, I am in Mobile, Alabama for the summer. Im not on vacation this go around, more so of a job. Well, that is what I thought it would be. I got here assuming that I'd research the county as planned, get a glimpse of what poverty in the south is like and then go home with a better resume than I came with. But nooooo..... this so called "job" has turned into a mission, almost. A mission, to find out why poverty is so clear and visible to so many of us, yet it continues to go on. I knew it exsisted, but it has pushed its ways into exsistence from the homes themselves... straight into my mind. As a matter of fact, my writing this blog might actually be the dumbest thing I could do. Because, its not changing anything. I have alot to say... and I'll definately be back.
If your wondering how I've been doing lately... well I am just PeaChy! Quite lovely I must say... but a bit irritated with a few things I've seen in this oh so perfect place. I'll get back to that in a minute though. So as some of you may or may not know, I am in Mobile, Alabama for the summer. Im not on vacation this go around, more so of a job. Well, that is what I thought it would be. I got here assuming that I'd research the county as planned, get a glimpse of what poverty in the south is like and then go home with a better resume than I came with. But nooooo..... this so called "job" has turned into a mission, almost. A mission, to find out why poverty is so clear and visible to so many of us, yet it continues to go on. I knew it exsisted, but it has pushed its ways into exsistence from the homes themselves... straight into my mind. As a matter of fact, my writing this blog might actually be the dumbest thing I could do. Because, its not changing anything. I have alot to say... and I'll definately be back.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Too Blessed to be Stressed && Too Annointed to be Disapointed
So clearly, I doint write on this blog too often... but this soon will change. I was blessed with the opportunity to recieve and accept an Internship at the University of Alabama at Birmingham in Mobile, Alabama. This opportunity will allow me to join a great research team and work with at risk adolescents and study their behaviors and effects of living in poverty. I have had internships in the past, but this will be my first out of state experience. I had an interesting time deciding whether or not I would accept the offer, based on the fact that I have no family in Alabama and I had never been there before. But, I really do think that God works in his own special way... and if i was granted this opportunity to help others, then I should jump at the opportunity and take it.
Finals are this week at school, and I will be going home on Tuesday May 6th. I really can not wait to get back to Raleigh. I miss everyone back at home so much... this was a great first year though and I would'nt have changed anything for the world. I learned alot about myself and I learned that good things do come to those who wait... but when the good things do come... one must be able to recognize them and go for it!
For the most part... my friendships stayed the same or got closer. Arguments did occur between my favorite 3 girls, but we held it together and that is what I love about them. My Brittany, Taylar and Ashley are my heart. Besides my parents, they are what have made me a stronger person and develop into the young women I am today. They are smart, dedicated, go getter girls and I love them for that. When we all get home this summer... it is definately going to be a blast. I kind of want to go to the beach.
Oh yea... today is my homies bday... Adrianne. Happy Birthday Missy... just in case you do read this. i love u with all i got... (Panera Bread Partner in Crime)
I think I am a very random person right now... Idk what to do. It is 4:47am on Saturday morning and I am truly tired as all get out, but I am continuing this blog, due to the fact that I never write in it. AT ALL. My favorite seniors are graduating at the end of this month... and I am very sad. A lot of the friends that I really made were upperclassmen which was great... but unfortunate bc they leave before you. I learned alot from every one that I worked with on and off campus this year and I am ready to move to the next step in my life.
Please pray for me that I have a good "rest of finals"this week. Over the summer, of course I will have more to write in my online blog... but definately when I am researching over in Alabama... I will keep up with my blog daily as an online journal.
With Love,
TREESE
Finals are this week at school, and I will be going home on Tuesday May 6th. I really can not wait to get back to Raleigh. I miss everyone back at home so much... this was a great first year though and I would'nt have changed anything for the world. I learned alot about myself and I learned that good things do come to those who wait... but when the good things do come... one must be able to recognize them and go for it!
For the most part... my friendships stayed the same or got closer. Arguments did occur between my favorite 3 girls, but we held it together and that is what I love about them. My Brittany, Taylar and Ashley are my heart. Besides my parents, they are what have made me a stronger person and develop into the young women I am today. They are smart, dedicated, go getter girls and I love them for that. When we all get home this summer... it is definately going to be a blast. I kind of want to go to the beach.
Oh yea... today is my homies bday... Adrianne. Happy Birthday Missy... just in case you do read this. i love u with all i got... (Panera Bread Partner in Crime)
I think I am a very random person right now... Idk what to do. It is 4:47am on Saturday morning and I am truly tired as all get out, but I am continuing this blog, due to the fact that I never write in it. AT ALL. My favorite seniors are graduating at the end of this month... and I am very sad. A lot of the friends that I really made were upperclassmen which was great... but unfortunate bc they leave before you. I learned alot from every one that I worked with on and off campus this year and I am ready to move to the next step in my life.
Please pray for me that I have a good "rest of finals"this week. Over the summer, of course I will have more to write in my online blog... but definately when I am researching over in Alabama... I will keep up with my blog daily as an online journal.
With Love,
TREESE
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Reason Why...
I do not have time to write tonight in this blog, but I have chosen to use this as a site for stress relief, on behalf of myself. The institutions that we find ourselves attending for several years of our life in effort to attain a degree and a stronger sense of ourselve, can become and be very stressful. I am in the mist of completing my first year of college, and by the strength and presence of the Lord himself... I am and have been able to DaNce in the rain and eventually make it through the storm.
there will be more to come... until then- Be Blessed,
&& thats my reason why.
there will be more to come... until then- Be Blessed,
&& thats my reason why.
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