I'm entirely numb to the feeling I think I should be feeling...
I can't even react to those around me who love me
I don't want to be apart, for I feel most distant now from everything I once knew before.
Things that I knew... so closely, even last week are different than today
When youre sure of yourself and you think you have it figured out
Thats when it all falls down (Kanye Shrug)
I honestly don't know what to do... I want to run away from it all
And leave everything that I know and just start over
Whats the point of staying
It's rare that I smile genuinely anymore
Theres an akward silence in situations that once were normal
Things are not as great as you may think they are
And, thats why my heart can't deal with the reality that I'm being faced with
I'm upset because there are things that we have chosen to hold value in our lives
These things that are suppose to enhance your "person"
are the very things I blame for "me" being upset when I want my way
and I know by natures law, I can't always have it...
thats just something I'm going to learn to deal with... i have to.
Either that or walk the other way...but then I'd be leaving everyone.
How can something annoy you so much that you're not allowed to mention it,
I wouldnt want to offend anyone.
Somethings seem better than they really are
Somethings are lies
Somethings are truths
those statements may seem obvious, yet I was oblivious
If someone tells you something that you know isnt condusive to your
life... should you do something about it?
Or just let it ride?
I don't want to make life too complicated, because I heard it doesn't have to be.
I just dont want to be lied to... i've done nothing wrong yet all wrong things seem to happen to me... over and over and over again. Maybe i'm not aggressive enough... If I pushed my opinions more... I'd be heard more. Or maybe I'd realize earlier... I want out.
Everything that I invest in becomes the shit I see
and i'm sad.
I just want a true chance at love
even though I don't think it's possible
I want my parents to have a true chance at love
even though I don't think it's possible.
I'll lie to my sister and tell her I think she has a true chance at love
even though I don't think it's possible.
People are going to use you for what youre good for... and leave.
Constriction is a bitch.
Its the American way. Know this.
Be prepared for it.
It happens to everyone.
I've got to look for something simple, something that I enjoy that can't be taken away from me like everything else has been taken away. I wish I could be like everyone else and find the "icing on the cake"... to be able to chase and obtain... AMAZING it is... and I'm in vane.
Love
Religion
Hope
Success
Whoever is in charge of this world... show me my icing and let me live, for once without hearing negative things in my ear or seeing the truths that continue to break my heart... even if I have to do it alone.
Maybe next week will be better... i hope so, because I so disinterested in continuing on in what I know doesnt have a chance at working. :(
Peace & Love (or whatever is closest to those 2 things)
Sincerely,
Me.
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