Dear whoever,

I'm beyond sad right now... I feel like the work that i put in goes unoticed. It's not that he doesnt like me im sure... and hell, if he doesnt, it wouldnt make me a big difference at this point. I've begun to realize that we put ourselves in these relationships hoping for a bright future with someone... but its not all happy moments. Realizing for the first time that someone can perpetrate and sell you a dream and that you are very capable of falling for it all, hurts. I thought that I was doing the right thing by helping out where I felt, help should be given... but some people have to do things on their own. Maybe its because they've been independent their entire lives and they don't know how to accept a helping hand. How am I suppose to believe that i play a role in your life when you dont respond to the assistance i try to give? If the roles were reversed... you'd give up. he would. I know this because he takes no bullshit, and this right here is bullshit. I'm ashamed because I was so stupid. Fuck.

Unenthused,
Me.

i love them

i love you guys... thanks for the talk today... i didnt think you all would understand but you did. :)

yay

nothing much

damn, why can't i find what the hell im searching for???
my feelings are soooo up and down its ridiculous and the only reason that i can believe they are the way they are is because i havent found what im searching for. I feel so by myself, honestly i miss having a best friend. things just arent the same anymore and im ok with doing things on my own know and growing into my woman... i just thought i'd have someone to constantly be there in my life to talk to and maybe i'm upset because i dont. I had my friendships where i really wanted them my freshman year in college and now we have all gone our seperate ways... our relationships are cordial now and even though ive been trying to get used to it, its hard to watch them make closer relationships with other people.

school is good ... so i should be happy, right? thats what i had been asking for the past couple of years right? thanks god for giving me what i asked for... im just sad i have to do it all alone now.

i dont want to blog about this anymore. so i'm going to try not to... honestly im just kind of sad :(

yep.
me.

Everlasting Epiphany

Have you ever been alive and didn't know it?
Ever cried inside and never showed it?
Ever laughed too aloud... for you couldn't hold it?
Ever slept when you should have been awake
& when you woke up someone had took your place?

Ever stared in the mirror at your own face
Ever thought about when you identified with you race
Ever felt like you didnt get a chance to plead your case.

Have you ever lost yourself and found yourself in the same week?
Have you ever been confused about the ways of which you speak?
Have you ever been told by someone your attitude just wreaked?

Ever been so angry you couldnt stand yourself
Ever been so bad you wanted to beat your own ass with a belt
Ever wanted to not care about anything & melt
Ever thought about your fathers face when he sees him lift your dress as he goes under for your garder belt

Have you ever been scared to dream big because you might not make it
Have you ever thought about wasting a risk if you did not take it
Have you ever felt like love was overrated.

Ever been promised everything under the stars
Ever been so deep in love you blacked out and saw mars ...


It is sheer good fortune to miss somebody long before they leave you.
I miss him when he's here
No person is yours forever
We are only Gods'
But as long as we exsist in this weather
We must try to beat the odds
The heart is moist when held
And can slip out of your hand when dealt
At once I knew it beat
Didnt realize my heart had no rhythm
until my baby swept me off my feet



Once regarding love as possesive
a simple way to take advantage
I dated, unaware of how i'd manage
Love is quiet as it's kept
A secret to many
Once youre in it, you dont share it
The way he keeps me, has made me bare it
It shows all over my face to my toes
I bath in it
won't let it go

I don't want more than I have
When we get greedy we get down on our luck
Many marraiges fall apart over a buck
Love is only as good as the lover
He loves honestly
She said wicked people love wickedly
and yet stupid people love stupidly
So if he loves me honestly, he can have all of me
and If i were a poet to people i'd be rich
I write only for myself, so far i see this fit
Random acts of kindness from me to you
I had to learn to accept his hand when i was blue
I had to learn to stand down when i knew
He taught me how to speak a different language
my communitation skills are fancy as if i came from cambridge

he knows me well
he's got it down pact
he's found that spot beginning at my neck alllll dwn my back
i lie awake in the bed
he wakes too
i moved too
yea he saw that
on our relationship i got his back
love jones love jones
what are we gonna do
i hate living 45 minutes away from you
its tough being by yourself all the time
when all you have is your best friend on your mind
take time to be alone, for its good and true
but in reality i just want to be with you
he'll tell me he loves me five times a day
each time its said i see a gorgeous ray
my sunshine my sunshine, that you are
im glad our love is not sub par
i am near when i seem far
we sacrifice now for one day a house and two cars
i want to reach new heights with you
so lets let this happen
no shade, be my captain.
i love him more than he'll ever know
if he read this blog, i'd blush no more.

forever yours,

Vantreese