all.of.me.

"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from god as my successes and my talents, and I lay them both at his feet."
-Mahatma Ghandi

Ugh

Today is not my day and everything is getting on my last nerve.

If I seem ill... I am.

I think I hate people from up north... or at least the attitudes that they take on. I've tried to be nice, respectful, and display intelligent convos with people I go to school with.

I give up... lame, low class, ignorant, uneducated people - i dont have time for it. How did you get here... A&T must screen their selection of students better... or maybe I should I made better choices as a high school senior. i dont have time for them. at all.

I actually have pity on those who live in situations as such... hahhaha you won't make it. And I thank you for making my back stronger.

F U.

Yours Truly,
ME :/

if i only knew

dear diary,

i feel some type of way about it all.
i am trying to be positive about it all and keep it that way.
my bad days outway my good days... and i think that it is starting to get to me.

so, i must make more changes.
some think that i have made too many of those already, but until i am
finally comfortable... i wont stop. i cant. i dont know how.

yoga sessions begin downtown next week ;) 2wice a week, im in that thang!

J.O.B status... hopefully i tagged this job at Vicky's today!!! i am in dire need of "extra" funds

new associates- im feeling a little bland as far as my social life is going... so i've expanded it. I love the additions. ;)

boo- ive had my head stuck in text books for like 8 weeks straight and in Alabama for 10 weeks prior to that... when things slow down, i might actually find him

school: it happens, and thats all i can say to that.

______________________________________________________

meditation is good for the soul and taking time to and for one's self is one of the healthiest regimines out there for an aching heart. so now, i want nothing but to stand still... and be able to see a panoramic view of my life. i must take charge, now not tommorow.

i love you.
say it aint so.
mixed feelings.
just go go go
one day i will,
take it slow.
i love you.

yours truly,
Vantreese

Life in the MAKING.

wow, it's true... the Lord does work in mysterious ways.
I am honored to be one of his children, and will continue to allow him to order my steps in his name. :)

i have truly grown so much in just one year. this year is going ten times better than last year in ways i thought unimaginable. but, of course there are things that i had last year, that i really do miss this year. school is great. ever since my major change and career plan, i feel better about my life. i know that is pretty harsh, but i had felt like i was pretending to be phenomenal. i always wanted to be in the spotlight... what for? the answer is casper the friendly ghost ;). of course, the things that i participated in werent for me... they were for the greater good of other people, but what is the point of pressing others to follow their dreams if might were lost. my academic world was average and unknowingly laxed. i tried hard, but at the last minute... i asked questions, but too late in the semester... i joined study groups and brought less to the table than i recieved and i smiled in peoples faces when i was truly upset about it all inside.

i still havent seen the party side of a&t... and i believe that has faded. a&t is a university of hope... that teaches our students that anything is possible that you put your mind to. and even though i dont always scream out to the world how much i adore this campus... i do. but until i am fully enthralled in all that i came here to do... i am not carrying out AGGIE PRIDE as one should. so i stand still. very specific people made me into the collegiate person i am today and they know exactly who they are... i will thank them officially one day, but i look up to them.

beginning this year... i put all of the "extra" things to the side for the first time in my life. there are people who will probably vouch for me and say... i really havent been around this year. i must disagree. i've been around... but only in all the right places. vantreese is my main focus this time around. i told an old friend once, i was afraid to try my very hardest and give all i had in school in the past, because i would be disapointed if that were my best and i had failed. what is a person to do then? but, this time, i realized that won't work for a phenomenal woman. i must push forward... and that is was ive intended to do. we are shooting for all A's this semester... and those that follow. not because of anything else but my personal pleasure. i can only imagine, how this will feel and how many others i will be able to tell that "anything really is possible". really...

loving life ;)
yours truly,
ME

ps: moms bday party pics: http://acameralex.com/contact.html

A Phrase I've Phallin' In "LUST" with ;-)

and I quote...

"Bitch!!!, I don't know Your LIFE!!!!!"

lmao. okay sorry. ignorance gets the best of us.

please excuse me, but when i heard this on tv the other day
i can honestly say I had a goods night rest.

simple me ;-)

maybe im MISSING something.

I am no longer confused as to what i need to do
I am no longer confused as to what i want to do

I feel like jumping off of a cliff :-( , as in the highest
elevation known to a mountainous range
but, not in order to create a crimescene... but, to just
SIMPLY start over and detatch my mind from all
referential realms and illusions I once knew.

I don't know what I was thinking for the past, almost
twenty years of my life. I must concur that I was indulged
in a "wo"man-made, self driven hurrincan... category four, that
clearly I have been complacent with.

What I thought I knew...
Humans are the most complex creatures on this earth
Humans fall in love
Humans are the only creatures able to create beneficial ideas for their futures

An illusion.
which is wrong.

We are biologically animals such as any creature on this earth
So, does that make love and the thought of love, nothing more than
a "political" plan. I mean, think about it... it creates structure and limits
class confusion. Are we really made for these "relationships" that we continue
to put ourselves in.

I'm beginning to believe that love can't really be, what we've thought it to be...
if it seems to become and yet end so quickly.
It can't.

Past and failed relationships were pointless and a wast of my time. Yes, I learned alot, but when I think about them... I feel like I didn't neccessarily need them. I wanted them. And in the end after they have run their course... I have become no more excited about new and future relationships.

Is monogamy really biologically possible... today?
or has it ever been?
will we ever know? probably not.

It seems to me that very few people are faithful anymore and it seems to me that alot of people are becoming okay with the thought of that, when entering relationships. Compatibility seems irrelevant and in alot of cases, many relationships are based off of simple fascination and sexual attraction. Which is a shame, based off of the "illusions". I understand exitentialism now. Never thought I would. Check it out, if you don't.

And... for the SLIM remaining amount of those who dwell on love over lust and respect the completing of one another when in this LoVe spell idea... they/we may be out of date...luck... and our minds. lol.

But in the meantime...

ROCK ON ;-)

yours truly,
ME

Dear Diary.

I am numb to your touch & i no longer "feel you" .

yours truly,
me ;-)